Too High To Play Lotto Day!

You only had one thing on your to-do list today but you got too high to do it. You were going to play your Mom's lotto numbers then bring the tickets over to her house, but you started panicking that since the lotto is run by the government you'd be added to some kind of list for special observation and eventually, when the other shoe falls, you'd be shipped off to help build the undersea cities once the solid ground becomes uninhabitable. Anyway, your Mom's numbers will come up today and she would have won 5200 dollars had you not gotten too high to play them. She won't say anything about it though. Since you didn't give her her tickets, she'll know you either forgot or "those cigarettes" got in your way again. Your visits are important to her and she doesn't want to spend them fighting over money.

Happy Too High To Play Lotto Day!

Have Sex So Forgettable You'll Go Home And Slap Your Mama Day!

Today you should have sex that is so completely forgettable and not even worth the mess that you'll get on a plane and fly back to your mama's house so you can slap her across the face because she never told you sex could be so "eh."

"You're withholding," your Mama will say, rubbing her cheek where you slapped her. "You got that from me."

"But I want to give of myself completely and totally to another," you'll say. "I want to lose myself in strange flesh."

"Psssh," your mother will say. "If you figure out how to do that be sure and send me the handbook when you're done, kay?"

You'll slap your mother again. She'll slap you back and then overturn the coffee table separating the two of you. Both of you grab a weapon and settle this once and for all.

Have Sex So Forgettable You'll Go Home And Slap Your Mama Day!

PS: Preorder Bob Powers' new book, out May 27th!