Thursday, January 06, 2011

Alive Americans In Crisis Day!

Raise your voice and declare yourself:

"I am an alive American. I have been alive for __ years now, and every day is harder than the last. But I will remain alive, breathing, interacting with people behind cash registers and people who want to use the ketchup on my table at the diner, until I get hit by a car or something.

People think I am staying alive just for the attention and the fried foods. They are wrong. I am staying alive because I am frightened that dying hurts.

People think I am staying alive because I want to be congratulated. They are wrong. I am staying alive because I can pretty much be counted on to do what everyone else does, because I don't like to stray too far from the herd.

People think I am staying alive because of the Summer Olympics. They are kind of right. I do enjoy watching the Summer Olympics. But they come around so infrequently that it's not enough.

I am an Alive American. I vote. I pay taxes. I fall in love and I experience heartbreak and I battle substance addictions and I sometimes get really into TV shows and spend weekends watching all the episodes in a row on DVD.

I am an Alive American and I'm cold, bored, and there's nothing I want to buy."

Good. Now lay in bed for another 45 minutes, then roll over the side and onto the floor so you can crawl into the bathroom and take a shower.

Happy Alive Americans In Crisis Day!

5 comments:

  1. Anonymous8:57 PM

    Either you've gotten bitter or my tastes in entertainment have changed drastically over the past three years. Go back to the "more Pete" days when things were fun.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10:25 PM

    Things are still fun. Pay no attention to the naysayers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "When things were fun."

    You've never read my blog before.

    ReplyDelete
  4. No one can stop if I want to be happy and have fun.

    ReplyDelete