Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Some Guy's In The Bushes. He's Got A Hammer In His Hand Day

Some Guy's In The Bushes. He's Got A Hammer In His Hand Day!

He doesn't look like anyone you've ever dated, but he definitely looks heartbroken. You're only crashing at this house for a few weeks while you wait for all the craziness to die down back in Portland before you go back for the $9,000 you're owed. Your friend Karen lives here with two other girls, Nina and Lisa. You know everyone Karen's ever dated, so this guy must be after Nina or Lisa.

The hammer comes crashing through the glass and his hand juts through the broken windowpane. The shards of glass slice through his skin like it was all part of the plan.

"Nina and Lisa aren't here," you tell him.

"It's Karen I'm after," he says.

"Really?" you say. "She never told me about you."

"She wouldn't have. She told me I was the one she wanted to keep to herself."

You sit him on the couch and demand to hear everything. His name's Leo and he's a carpenter. Karen had visited his workshop a few times this past spring. One day she said she'd come and never showed, and Leo went out of his mind.

"My business is about to go under. I can't do anything but pursue her. She's breaking me."

"Perhaps you were just a bit of fun for her," you suggest. "If it's not right for both of you, it's not right."

Leo says, "I never thought about it that way."

He apologizes for the window and gets up to leave. Just then you spot Karen outside coming home with her boyfriend. She sees Leo through the broken window and stops in her tracks. To keep Leo from going outside, you grab him and put your tongue down his throat. And thus ends the meet-cute story that you and Leo will one day tell your grandchildren.

Happy Some Guy's In The Bushes. He's Got A Hammer In His Hand Day!